Empty Nest

I've been living among the stars for a long time.  When my kids had babies, they all came to live at my house.  We had all holidays together, all birthdays, all regular days!  Strawberries and fresh baked bread all summer, stormy Christmases by the fire in a dining room lit only by candlelight! We moved to Reno and began the years of adventure with kids finally old enough to learn to ski and have favorite hiking trails.  We have been adventuring here for six years.  I just never imagined that it could come to an end...I was completely unprepared.  I am alone for the first time in my life.  I feel like I'm on the moon.

Everybody had to move away and Bianca got injured in a bad car accident while visiting family in southern California.  She has been there for several months, recovering, so I'm the only one left here in Reno.  My precious lively family is all somewhere else.  I'm the oldest of five kids so I've never even heard the sounds you can hear when it's quiet...it's never been quiet!  In coping with this change, I'm not inclined to talk to myself...yet...but I do complicate making plans just because I'm so accustomed to checking around for what everyone else has in mind.

So...I'm alone and making all the repairs I've put off for years---I'm getting a lot done, actually.  I'm eating wacky things, I'm watching television...I've read everything in the house...sometimes more than once.  I'm going to bed too late or too early.  The grandchildren I've squeezed and kissed and delighted in watching, are all email/text message/phone calls now.  I see their faces in my memory instead of watching their changing expressions as they puzzle through or taste something amazing or enjoy a regular tradition like eating space ice cream at the planetarium, rolling down a steep grassy slope, swinging at the park during a windy, blazing red sunset.

As I slog through this painful transition though, I am realizing the family of friends that I have here.  I've goaded my wait-staff kids to go to dinner, to the movies, to "trivia-night" at St. James Infirmary.  I'm organizing a dinner/theater night with three lady friends I never have time enough to enjoy.  A sweet couple who forage for mushrooms every spring and fall, brought me the gift of 12 pounds of  golden chantarelles on Saturday, and a dear friend from around the corner knocked on the door to deliver an armful of concord grapes from her ancient vines---they're still dewy and a little bit dusty, like just-picked grapes are, and the colander is so overflowing, that I'll be able to share them with customers!.  As it turns out, I guess, my nest isn't so empty after all!